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When helping the homeless crosses the line

When Helping The Homeless Crosses The Line Dramatic lack of affordable housing in Bavaria

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When helping the homeless crosses the line

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When Helping The Homeless Crosses The Line Video

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Oh, sometimes things seemed fine. They could be okay for days. Sometimes weeks. But then things would begin to fall apart, usually after she had to ask for help, or if she gave him feedback about something she felt was important.

This seemed to upset him and turn everything upside down again. She learned to pick her battles carefully, because once he was upset, she had to endure a tirade of accusations and condemnation.

The silent treatment. No favors or help for a while. She felt bad if she wanted to go out with a friend. He would say little things that made her feel guilty for abandoning her family and forcing him to take care of the kids.

Sex was horrible. He made little comments about her body and her behavior in bed, and she felt ashamed and stupid.

When they had sex, he did it and got it over with. She wanted him to. It felt impersonal and disgusting. The burden of parenting alone most of the time was starting to break her down.

She was getting short with the kids. Burnt out. He would point out what an angry, bitter woman she was.

She had problems. He was a good man. He was faithful to her. He took the family to church. He read his Bible every day. In fact, he knew the Bible so well, he could pull out Bible verses to support his various observations of how bad she was.

She would weep in church when they sang songs about the grace of God. She was pretty sure God was disappointed in her failed efforts at creating a happy, peaceful home for her husband and children.

She often locked herself in the bathroom, crying in hopeless desperation on the floor. Begging God to help her be a better woman. Begging God to forgive her.

Begging God for some reason to keep trying. What happened to the woman she used to be, before she got married? Her small-group leader at church told her that marriage would bring out the ugliness hidden inside.

So anything good she was before must not have been real. All along, she must have always been an ugly, stupid, angry, failure of a woman. Does your partner withhold communication and affection in order to control your emotions and decisions?

Does your partner refuse to take responsibility for their actions and attitudes in your relationship by blame-shifting, denying, justifying, and minimizing their behaviors?

Does your partner use deception to control you? Does your partner use verbal bully tactics to shame, intimidate, and destroy your self-worth? Does your partner isolate you by withholding finances financial abuse or keeping you from building relationships with others outside the immediate family or controlling when and how those relationships operate?

Does your partner disrespect your boundaries? Does your partner tell you how you think and feel instead of allowing you to think and feel for yourself?

Do they steal your attention from everything and everyone else, including God, so that your focus is constantly on them? Are they the center of your confusing, painful world?

But she recognizes that not every woman is married to someone who wants to work together as a team toward that goal.

When an abusive spouse uses the Bible or God to back up their abuse, they are spiritually abusive. And when churches and church leaders use the Bible to support the abuser and come against the abuse target by pressuring her to reconcile , they are also emotionally and spiritually abusive.

Emotional abuse is an epidemic in conservative Christian circles where there is a built-in belief system that says men are supposed to be in a power-over position related to women.

However, for the rest of the population, this erroneous belief feeds into the underlying attitudes as well as subtle and not-so-subtle behaviors of men toward women.

The practical outcome of such attitudes and behaviors is the destruction of women and children from the inside out. Emotional abuse is particularly rampant because it flies under the radar and is hard to prove.

Women in emotionally abusive relationships can be significantly affected by a simple glance, gesture, or slight change in the tone of voice of her abuser—things that would never be noticed by anyone standing near.

This is why, when Christian women do come forward to disclose emotional abuse, they are most often not understood or believed. Surely it is she who is the real problem in such a marriage.

So the hidden abuse continues, unchecked, until the woman finally gets to the place where she is falling apart physically. Emotional abuse targets, if not treated, will eventually present with physical ailments including heart palpitations, panic attacks, gastrointestinal issues, anxiety disorders, depression, self-harming behaviors, migraines, chronic fatigue syndrome, auto-immune disorders, thyroid disease, and other hormone imbalances.

Emotional abuse is physical abuse of a genius, covert kind. It has been the most prevalent attack on the female gender throughout history, and it is supported and encouraged in our churches all across the world in the name of God.

What a tragic twisting of Scripture. What a slap in the face of Jesus Christ, Who modeled true love and respect for both men and women, equally.

For you are all one in Christ Jesus. You are fortunate to have met and married a good partner. There are several red flags to look for, but many young people have no idea these signs should be taken as serious deal breakers.

Emotions have a way of getting in the way of reason. You can bookmark articles like this and websites like mine in case you suspect a friend or family member might be experiencing these things in their marriage, and you can share them at an appropriate time.

You can educate yourself on what emotional abuse is. I estimate that for every five couples in your church, one or two of them are emotionally abusive.

These people are not lying. They are often scared to death to tell someone for many reasons. But what if you ARE in an emotionally abusive relationship?

What can you do? Here are some ideas:. Emotional abuse survivors are some of the most empathic, honest, hard working, intelligent, problem-solving, persevering, responsibility-takers on the planet.

Abusers often select warm, flexible, shining stars to eventually control and suck dry. The woman at the beginning? She went through some grueling steps , but she got out, and now she is strong and coming into her own.

I am a 21 year old married woman and I was emotionally and physically abused for 10 years by my step father. He finally left when I was a senior in high school and by that point I was dating my now husband.

We got married at 20 and have been married for a year. The night we got married, I knew I made a mistake. He changed into a completely different person.

To give you some background, both of our families have grown up as very conservative Christians. Because of the abuse as a child, I can recognize the same traits of an abuser and my husband pretty much qualifies for most of those traits.

He is more emotionally abusive, but there is still some physical abuse. These past 2 months have been horrible and very scary. We had an argument that was so bad that my husband had to be taken to the hospital because he was burning himself and threatening to kill himself and blame me for it.

The reason for our fight was because I told him I was leaving him. Now, my family does not agree with my decision to leave him, even though he has been very abusive, because of their Christian beliefs.

I have 6 different serious mental health problems and I never use them as an excuse or crutch. But I have given him so many chances to get the help he needed but he just flat out refused every time.

He has severely hurt me, both emotionally and physically. I need some advice about what the godly thing is to do. I address a lot of your questions in my book: Is It Me?

The short answer to your question is that NO — it is not ungodly to leave an abuser. It is ungodly for your abuser to abuse you — and it is ungodly for your family to enable abuse and threaten to abandon you if you take responsibility for your own life and safety and health and get away.

It is godly to tell the truth about reality. It is ungodly to lie, cover up, pretend, and enable gross and negligent sin.

I go into far more detail about this issue in my book, so I encourage you to get it. You can get the first three chapters free by signing up at the top of my website.

I would have never thought that my thyroid condition may be linked! Just left a 23 year marriage for the sake of my kids and grandson.

He keeps saying this is a 3 month separation. I keep thinking nope — he needs to think longer than that. I have had a terrible time with thyroid energy depletion, and I had begun to wonder if it had something to do with my marriage.

It has been so hard for so long. My confidence and self-esteem seem to self-correct and normalize. Reading this article was something else again.

Freshly out of a 20 year emotionally abusive marriage. I felt like I had died inside in the weeks following my marriage vows. I spent all this time hoping things would get better.

I am angry at myself for not awakening sooner. Discussion in ' Gay Adult Websites ' started by mikey41 , Jun 9, If you are here because you are looking for the most amazing open-minded fun-spirited sexy adult community then you have found the right place.

We also happen to have some of the sexiest male members you'll ever meet. Signup below and come join us. Most Liked Posts. For those who enjoy this stuff, this is the real deal: Yahoo!

Groups Yahoo! Jamelcru likes this. The guy in the photos is a former boyfriend of mine. Homeless man shows huge cock for 20 bucks at HomeMoviesTube.

Admittedly, I fantasized about taking one home once. He was very cute, good looking and tall. I thought, how can someone that good looking not have a job or home?

Anyone got anymore videos? Not sure about this thread. It may have crossed a line None- the- less, I support everyone's right to their the business!!!

Great topic

On one occasion it turned out the man and his family had ended up homeless because of a chronic illness which resulted in the loss of his job.

With a little help he was able to find shelter for the family, and just 6 months later they were back on their feet. In fact, he was kind enough to speak about their life-altering experience at the kick-off for our county food drive that year.

Marquita is an author, resilience coach and the chief evangelist at Emotionally Resilient Living. Great point Jeannette and actually another important issue — risking vulnerability to ask for help.

Thanks for sharing your story! You know Beth I think most people have fallen into the enabling role at least a few times.

As a manager I tended to be pretty hard core, but my weakness is my fellow writers because I know from personal experience how tough it is getting started.

Fortunately I realized what was going on pretty quickly so I established firmer boundaries. Thanks for contributing to the conversation!

Thanks for sharing Lisa and obviously you mother was a smart lady and the truth is most enablers honestly do believe they are helping and doing good for the other person and in general.

And of course sometimes people really do need a hand up, the fine line is knowing how to help in a way that empowers them.

Although in my case the relationship limped along long after it should have ended so the final break was a relief more than anything. The truth is sometimes there are no answers and you simply have to look for the lessons and let the rest go, and that sounds like what you are doing.

This is especially the case when it comes to first time managers. Unless they receive the proper training they will naturally fall back on their baseline way of dealing with all of their relationships so if they are an all or nothing kind of person in relationships they are going to be that way in leadership roles as well.

Excellent point Sabrina. Well said A. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts! Always appreciate your valuable insights my friend. Glad you found value in the post Tim.

Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to contribute to the conversation — always appreciated! Kire Sdyor recently posted… Mass Appeal.

This is a very informative post. You are almost describing the old saying about feeding or teaching a man to fish. There are people who will strive and want help, there are others who do not want help, but want you to provide for them.

Marquita — first, congratulations on your ranking! I voted for you. Your topic is very timely for me. This week I had to put together a very big and complicated project.

I had spent several hours at the printers and when I got home I was total overwhelmed with the task ahead of me.

I called a dear friend and asked for her help. She came and the two of us figured it out. But I was glad I reached out.

She knows that I would drop everything if she needed my help. The project helped to strengthen our already strong bond.

There definitely were times when I should have done that. The most annoying thing is that the enablee tends to get mad at the enabler.

Beth Niebuhr recently posted… Mindset. Hi Marquita, This is a great post — my mom used to always talk about people enabling others and how it is NOT good for them when others think they are actually helping.

There really is a difference. I think many miss that point again and again. Thanks for sharing this one and enjoy the rest of your day. I heard a great quote the other day about this very subject.

Live and learn, I guess. Enabling is a tricky deal. I think people feel they have to take an all or nothing approach to stop their enabling.

For example, in the workplace enabling a co-worker by completing their assignments. The co-dependent person might think the only way to stop enabling is to cut off all interaction with the co-worker.

A better approach might be first to decide, what are you willing to do, to stop enabling your co-worker. People get enabled by people who enable.

This is wonderful. I love the questions to determine if you are enabling. I think as parents, we have to know when to draw the line on doing things for our kids and having them do it themselves.

I am constantly trying not to do to much for them. I can easily fall into patterns of just doing it without them being accountable.

They are teenagers now and need to know how to do these things. I love the quotes too. Sabrina Q. It really is a fine line as you say.

You want to be of assistance to people, but at the same time,, there comes a point when the person has to take charge of themselves.

Keeping your distance and saying no is very hard to do sometimes. But on to the subject at hand.

This was another really good read! This is a topic I have always kept in my mind as I see it a lot where the kind intentions of one eventually becomes the expected behavior by another.

When it happens with friends it is rarely a good outcome. I live in a city that seems to suffer this problem of enabling.

San Francisco is a gorgeous city however they do seem to have a very real problem of trying to solve all problems by providing for all who want it.

You are right of course about the value of learning these lessons at a young age Leora. Thanks for taking the time to contribute to the conversation!

Feel free to take the conversation in any direction it moves you Dave! You are so right about the balance aspect. Indeed, there is a huge difference between helping and enabling.

I used to be an enabler. I checked off every single behavior above and remember it like it was yesterday. It only destroyed my life, but also a marriage.

Until one day it all ended … I was at rock bottom and gave myself the gift of therapy. It took a while, but I did learn how to break that pattern of behavior.

It was so freeing when those blinders came off my eyes! Now I live life to the fullest and yes, I can be helpful, but do recognize the signs when communicating with others.

Jesus wanted people to know exactly what being his disciple was going to cost them. Yesterday I decided to see what I could find on the internet about truth in advertising.

What I was really looking for was a short, sweet description of what that is according to the law. I decided to look around on the Truth Advertising web site, and it had many, many articles, tips, hints on how to market your church.

Surely there must still be at least a few people that visit a church because they are searching for God! But the web site itself used a similar appeal in trying to get church leaders to use the ad service.

We had over people turn out for our Easter egg hunt and carnival. We gave away over Bibles and ran out of prizes for games, paint for hair, and crafts for the kids…The following Sunday we had more folks come than ever before, and then on Easter Sunday we had even more than that.

It was an incredibly successful Easter. Thanks so much! Craving enthusiastic crowds, or wanting a few more folks at least.

Not wanting to scare anybody away, churches have few or even no expectations of people who want to officially join. But is that the truth about the Christian life?

Not according to Jesus. Not according to a great deal of scripture. Being a disciple is not the same thing as having a name on a roll. It is demanding.

For disciples, God comes first. Answering the call of Christ is more important than accumulating things. And if the truth be told, in our hearts we do hope for more from members than simply being occasional spectators.

And we do hope that they will commit their money to this ministry. Commitment costs. He does heal. He does answer meaninglessness and loneliness.

He does give life its point. Even death has a meaning through Christ. He himself is eternal life with God!

If the church wants to be truthful in our advertising, discipleship is a way of life walking with Jesus, in the community that is his body.

Christ has the first claim on us. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who died for his anti-Hitler activity, wrote that when Christ calls us to follow him, he is calling us to come and die.

Is success to be tallied on the tote-board of baptisms, budgets, buses and buildings? Tucker, Left Behind in a MegachurchWorld.

Grand Rapids: Baker. Diana interviewed a woman there whom she calls Joan Henderson in the book. Joan described how when she first arrived at Phinney Ridge, all she wanted was to get her children baptized so that they could attend a Catholic school that required that all its students be baptized.

The discipleship training process included Bible study and a series of worship services designed to draw people closer to God through Christ. At any point along the way, Joan could have stopped.

But somewhere along the way, she realized that Christ was calling her. He was speaking to her. She saw the light of Christ in the patient, ongoing practice of faith of the people there.

She experienced an awakening. She went from being a wanderer to being a Christian pilgrim. Bass, Christianity for the Rest of Us.

San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco. So how can we practice truth in advertising here? How can we be honest about the cost of faith as well as its blessings?

Have we ourselves counted the cost? This church may never have the numbers and the trappings of success. Can we accept that? To what extent are we willing to suffer and to die as a congregation, to surrender everything to Jesus?

Goal: following Jesus. Goal: hear and answer his call. Goal: take up the cross for the sake of others. Imagine if the walls of this church had been transparent last Saturday.

What would the world have seen? It would have seen a community of faith rejoicing with one of its daughters on her wedding day. It would have seen the community praying for her and her new husband.

Friends, your light shines every day when you try to do what disciples do. Yes, we still need to keep inviting people to come to worship God.

Simple acts of caring and mercy. Help us, Lord! We want to be your body here. Help us accept the cost.

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